In Volume 2 of Engaging Multiple Personalities, there is a discussion entitled “The Trap of Forgiveness” which is directed to therapists counseling DID patients:

“Therapy must be practical. It must take into account the trauma that the patient must process. Setting an unattainable goal will only reinforce the patient’s negative self-image engendered by the abuse. One must consider the likelihood of success, so set goals in therapy that are within the grasp of the patient.

Some therapists, particularly those with a religious background, see the goal in healing as forgiveness. It is the view that being able to forgive is the ultimate expression of being healed. While it is a fine aspiration and appropriate in religious contexts, it is a dangerous goal to set for a patient.

Most trauma that leads to DID is so overwhelming that ordinary individuals cannot truly imagine the experience. To presume that one will eventually be able to forgive their abuser is, for practical purposes, a fantasy. Focus on the task at hand, teaching the patient to experience and hold on to the safety of the present. Teach the patient that skill so that they can experience the safety of the present when memories of the past arise. When memories are just memories, no longer the involuntary reliving of pain, that is what it means to heal.”