It is my experience, personally and with patients, that time does not necessarily heal trauma. Even after I retired as a psychiatrist, I continue to encounter elderly individuals still struggling to free themselves from the ravages of their past. Granted that my encounters are, effectively, an extremely limited anecdotal study, but I do not see another explanation for people in their 80s and 90s still tormented by nightmares linked to their memories.

A friend’s 95 year-old mother, on her deathbed, was terrified that there were people just outside her door trying to break in to harm her. One might see this as a case of psychotic delusion commonly found in confused patients with a failing brain. That could well be the first diagnostic impression based on a therapist’s customary index of suspicion. Most doctors would think she was paranoid or trapped in dementia.

But, within the family it was known that she went through traumatic war-time experiences in the 1940s, few therapists would consider this fear as a flashback given that it happened 70s years before. Rather than being given anti-psychotic medication and sedatives as part of her dying process, she needed reassurance that she was safe now – not that she was crazy. Speaking to her softly, reassuring her that she was not alone, that she was safe and protected right now. Simply holding her hand for a while would probably work better at relieving her anxiety than giving her a chemical cocktail.

Past trauma lingers in our neuro-circuitry for decades, and continues to affect our present well-being. This is something people dealing with DID, PTSD and other trauma disorders are experiencing all the time. It is important for all therapists, family members, and caring individuals to keep this in mind.

Trauma has to be properly processed to eliminate its malignant effects. Without that, neither a successful career nor financial security guarantees that one will be free from a private hell of anxiety or depression. The goal in therapy is not to deny, suppress or ignore the past but rather to be able to live without experiencing life as solely a terrible ongoing struggle.

So, is it possible to have some relatively simple and practical guidelines for the majority of the populace to improve their life by processing and overcoming early childhood negative experiences? There are a myriad of books and articles promoting hundreds of methods promising to rectify the impacts of negative childhood experiences. It is easy to become confused in the jungle of information, misinformation, and the latest highly promoted miracle cures. First, there is no miracle cure. Second, there is certainly no “one size fits all” cure. Third, processing trauma is difficult long-term work.

Addressing the impact of early childhood negative experiences is not easy, because the root causes are so personal. Depending on how early they occur, how often they are repeated, the relationship with the perpetrator, and how long abuse continues will determine how closely bound the trauma is into our psyche, into our sense of who we are.

Some people may find answers they need solely through their own life experience. Some may find solace in their spiritual experience. Yet many remain stuck in their pain. For many, what seems an unwillingness to pursue healing, is actually the impact of the powerful inertia to continue in the same ways with familiar pain, rather than do the hard work to heal that often provokes fears that these is unknown pain waiting in ambush for anyone daring to try to heal from their trauma.

I know people who have reached full adulthood, including those who are objectively old such as my peers in retirement, who have yet to find any sense of safety or peace because of early childhood trauma. Do not be fooled: You are not alone in your experience. It is not that you have failed and everyone else you see is filled with joy. Have confidence that while people display their brand name clothes, their expensive cars, and their elegant cruises, many remaining trapped on the inside – unable to escape the impact of the early trauma.

I find the following 3 books to be helpful reference sources for therapists who wish to deepen their understanding of trauma. Much of this article comes from insights found in these books.

[1] Dr. Judith Herman, in her seminal work Trauma and Recovery (1992), presented treatment in a phase oriented way. Herman (1992) emphasized that the treatment of complex trauma has to take place in predictable stages.

[2] Traumatic Stress: The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society (1996) by Bessel A. Van der Kolk , Alexander McFarlane & Lars Weisaeth.

[3] Trauma Model Therapy (2009) by Colin Ross and Naomi Halpern — mainly involving treatment of DID.