I have thought about this topic a great deal but have hesitated to write much about it. Communicating about spirituality in the treatment of early childhood trauma is difficult because, for many, religion as well as pseudo-religious imagery played an integral part in the trauma. On the other hand, spirituality has also, for many, been a key foundation upon which healing has arisen.

In my experience, spirituality, whether with or without formal doctrinal religious faith, played a powerful role for many of my patients in their becoming successful survivors. I have seen patients rise up from the depths of despair despite horrendous and prolonged backgrounds of traumatic experience. For those, spirituality gave them the hope and strength necessary to overcome the tremendous difficulties that resulted from their history of early childhood abuse.

Again in my experience, formal religion and religious doctrine can be a source of hope for patients as well as the source of their trauma. Therefore, as a therapist, one must be able to help a patient connect with the spiritual aspect of their life in a way that avoids the risk of re-traumatization. This means that one must be flexible enough to support the patient’s religious faith when it differs from one’s own as well as be able to invite a patient’s spirituality in the complete absence of or antipathy toward religious doctrine if that is the path of safety for them.

A therapist friend of mine, a Buddhist, once sat with one of his patients in a church. The patient knew the therapist was a Buddhist and was surprised at the suggestion. But the patient had already made it clear to the therapist that religion was important to him and that he felt safe sitting in a pew in a church. My friend pointed out that if the goal was to make the patient feel safe as a way to set the ground for genuine therapeutic communication, why not do it in the place the patient felt most safe. To have taken him to a meditation center and asked him to sit on a cushion with legs crossed would have made him feel quite uncomfortable, if not completely unsafe. This is an example of the benefit to patients of therapists not being too stuck in their own personal religious view.

We tend to think of ourselves as amalgamations of mind, body and spirit. We have a general idea of the meaning of mind and body, but sometimes we don’t pay much attention to what we mean by spirit. Often, we simply assert spirit to be something that is mystical, with no presence or relevance in the everyday aspects of life. My understanding of spirituality is that it refers to that which is both of and beyond the material world. It is more than a weekly visit to a church, synagogue, mosque or meditation center. However, spirituality does not need to be tied up with religious dogmas, rituals, heavens or hells.

I define spirituality as the framework of how we face our existence, how we face our selves. It is a fundamental understanding of how we might be kind to ourselves in both body and mind. It suffuses our awareness, leading us to be more in touch with our inner core.

Trauma is a fact of life in the natural world – as when a tiger chases down a deer. Both therapists and patients have to accept this as part of the human condition as well, and each of us needs to find our own way to handle it. We need spiritual strength in our own life journey but we also need to cultivate, protect and enhance our spiritual strength when we try to guide someone on their healing path.

In 1968, Joseph Campbell said, “In India, two amazing figures are used to characterize the two principal types of religious attitudes. One is ‘the way of the kitten; the other, ‘the way of the monkey.’ When a kitten cries ‘Miaow,’ it’s mother coming, takes it by the scruff and carries it to safety; but as anyone who has ever traveled in India will have observed, when a band of monkeys come scampering down from a tree and across the road , the babies riding on their mothers’ backs are hanging on by themselves.

Accordingly, with reference to the two attitudes: the first is that of the person who prays, ‘O Lord, O Lord, come save me’ and of the second of one who, without such prayers or cries, goes to work on himself.” In China and in Japan, the two attitudes are termed, “outside strength” and “one’s own strength.” No matter which religion one pursues, or for that matter, or spirituality in the absence of a religious tradition, these approaches need not be contradictory. I respectfully request the indulgence of those literal dogmatists in any particular religious affiliations to accept that it is an individual matter to choose either of these approaches or a mix of the two, no matter if you are a Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Jew or none of the foregoing.

You have to find a reason to fight to overcome the tremendous obstacles of an abusive childhood. One good example of a reason to overcome the obstacles of abuse is to defy the abuser’s threats, to make yourself whole despite and against all odds, surviving the trauma and betrayal. If you subscribe to a personal deity, prayers asking for specific help and guidance can give you strength to overcome those obstacles. Like escaping from a deep well, you may need the sense of an external power to throw a rope for you to grasp and pull you out. On the other hand, if you do not engage a religious tradition, simply touching the power of the earth or feeling the warmth of the sunlight, those fundamental connections of life that are beyond you, may be enough to chase away the dark clouds and overcome past trauma.

In short, you need to have hope. Many of my atheist/agnostic patients relied on AA, NA or church fellowship for support in their difficult journey of healing, there is no need to fight alone.

Accessing genuine spirituality requires intention, practice and experience – rather than just wishful thinking. Spiritual practice within a formal religions tradition is usually quite clear within that tradition. One can see spiritual practice outside of religious strictures as keeping still and paying attention to the now, the present moment of existence.

Be still. Within that, learn to be kind to your own mind. Start doing one-breath meditation. The gradually advance to more than one breath, then to 5, 10 or even 20 minutes. Move toward being non-judgmental. Slowly learn to love yourself, without evaluating that thought as being good or bad.  Do not worry about closing your eyes, you may let them open if you so choose. Breathe each breath slowly, be alert and be stable in your sitting position.

You might try something like this:

Breathe in God and breathe out darkness
…..or…..
Breathe in love and breathe out fear.

The need for a spiritual component to one’s life applies equally to therapists who, day in and day out, listen with deep empathy. Listening in that way to the horrendous tales of their patients’ extreme past and often present sufferings, therapists are in need of strength to purge such toxic material that is capable of inflicting vicarious trauma on them. I have suggested extracurricular activities such as physical workouts as well as creative hobbies of music, sculpture, pottery etc. These remind you that there is something wholesome, beautiful and noble in this world, that it is not simply filled up with ugliness, betrayal and negativity.

In their uncertainty, people tend to grasp hold of dogmas to anchor their sense of security. They tend to gravitate to an extreme end of some belief, unable to see compromise as healthy in their dogmatic system. But, kindness transcends dogma. It is the secret and quite magical ingredient for healing. Always be kind.