In response to the original 2 part post, a reader asked “Do you mean that they are listening in, even if there is not awareness of them listening in? And there isn’t access to communication for me like you described in order to bring them into the session or as “helpers.” I very much appreciated the question and thought it deserved an inclusion in the post – making it a 3 part post.

I think a classroom is a good analogy here. You never restrict a classroom discussion response to the one single student asking the questions as the rest of the class hears both the question and the response. While all the students can hear, some are probably paying more attention than others to what you are saying.

When a therapist talks to one alter, all the others are, literally, within earshot. We have no idea if everyone is listening attentively, but some most probably are. Do not presume you are just talking to one particular alter because there are other alters and they can all hear you. It is not a private conversation that excludes any or all alters.

A very hostile and paranoid alter, after quietly listening to many sessions, may draw the conclusion that you are potentially a good person to be trusted rather than automatically being categorized as a likely abuser waiting in ambush. So, take this opportunity to spread the good news that as the therapist, you care about everyone inside. After all, it’s the goal in therapy to heal the impact of the bad traumatic history and abuse experience of the past.

In this way, some alters, even the most hostile or mistrustful, will finally accept you as “this person who actually cares”. They may individually come to the conclusion that they might want to participate, slowly and with vigilance, in making changes and to help as a co-therapist on the inside.  That will be a good corrective emotional experience for the entire system, not just for the alter who has up to now expressed itself solely as hypervigilant, angry and deeply hurt.