[10] Only With Permission

With and subject to permission of their patient, therapists must consider the qualities of the spouse/SO. Then, if appropriate and permission is granted, they should forewarn the spouse/SO once a dissociative disorder is strongly suspected. Many of my DID patients showed their alters to their spouse/SO long before those alters showed themselves to me in my office.

Therapists can prepare the spouse/SO with guidance as to the supportive behaviour when an alter emerges in the event there is no professional person around to handle the situation.

[11] Caring for Oneself

For therapists, caring for oneself is critical to deal with the vicarious trauma you might experience speaking with your DID patients. Vicarious trauma is also an issue for the spouse/SO,

For the spouse/SO, your DID partner experiences unimaginably intense stress that is triggered far more often than you realize or can expect. When a person is in that level of distress, often in the early hours of the morning, or even when driving during the day, express warmth not panic and everyone will be in a better position to heal.

What I have written is simple but, at the same time, it is very, very difficult. For therapists, they can rely somewhat on their training and somewhat on their experience. For a spouse/SO, as I have repeatedly urged kindness, remember that you also need to be kind to yourself. Under the stress of your partner’s DID, having your own therapist may be the key to developing your own internal strength to continue to be supportive and kind.

You need to take a regular break, whether it be a walk, to meet with your own therapist, or to do your own grounding exercises. Just alert your partner, give the parameters for how long you will need your break, what you will be doing and where, and when you will be back. You need to be clear that it is a break for you to recharge your batteries, not a break in your affection for your partner.

*****

This post is dedicated to all of the spouses and significant others who express their words of love into actions of kindness.