Here are some suggestions for self-care in practice:

A. Create Imagery For Yourself That Is A Sanctuary, A Place Of Refuge.

You can easily make your mouth water simply by imagining sucking on a slice of lemon. If you can do that so easily, have confidence that, similarly, you can create a mental image of a safe place where you can rest and recuperate. Begin to heal your wounds by creating that place of refuge where you can allow healing to take place. Do not underestimate the power of suggestion. Here, we are using that power of suggestion to heal ourselves. It is the exact opposite of what abusers do, which is to use the power of suggestion coupled with abuse so as to try to deny you this innate ability we all have to heal.

If one breaks a bone, the doctor puts the broken pieces as close together, and immobilizes the injury in a cast. Now the fracture is stabilized with the bones fragments held in place. This allows for the body to go through its non-conceptual and completely natural healing process. The cast is the safe environment which allows your bones to heal together while protecting the injury from further disturbance.

You don’t have to give instructions to each part of the bone to grow a little this way, a little that way, now join with this other piece and that other piece, and now all of you grow together… The knowledge of that healing is already available to you as a result of having a human body. The job of the doctor is to make sure the bones are close enough together that they will knit strongly and quickly, and that the injured area is protected from breaking again due to external forces during the healing process.

For someone with DID, the same kind of process can be put in place. The parts are brought together in an environment in which they can become close rather than in conflict. Within the visualized place of refuge, they can start to knit together. In that visualized place of refuge, they are protected from re-traumatization, which is the equivalent of a bone breaking again in the previous analogy.

When a child is hurt outside of an abuse context, a protective adult holds the child, soothing her with soft words and reassurance. That nurturing kind of remedy is love in action, highly creative and healing. So, within the place of refuge you have established through imagery, when the protective parts are close enough to hold the frightened ones, the injured ones, the ones that continue to feel torment, self-soothing and healing can take place.

Healing is best visualized in kinesthetic (sense of touch) terms. Through the sense of touch, one can connect with warmth and security through the imagery of being enclosed and protected in a cocoon. Caterpillars transform into butterflies while protected in the cocoon. Your place of refuge can serve you in that same way.

There are many DID individuals who have expressed positive experiences using a healing blanket, one which is weighted that they feel safe under. To me, this is reminiscent of the circumstances of a fetus in the womb. Before birth, one is protected by the tremendously strong uterine muscles of the mother’s body, floating gently in the warm liquid of the amniotic sac, protected without effort.

There are both religious and secular imageries that can be used. One should strive for a kinesthetic imagery that creates a physical sensation that is beneficial for the hurt individual or part seeking relief. For patients of mine that were devout Christians, I borrowed the imagery from Jean Vanier that “Prayer is rest; it is to be still, to abide in the presence and in the arms of God, knowing that we are loved just as we are; we are held and safe.” I would literally ask the patient to feel the sense of gentle pressure one experiences while being hugged. For patients of mine that were atheist or agnostic, a similar imagery was used without an anthropomorphic God (God in human form).

For one patient, the imagery that she found most helpful, i.e. most safe, was to be alone on a tropical island with a white sand beach that was so warm and comforting in the sun while all the while a large thick tropical forest, which started at the edge of the sand, kept anyone else from finding her. She could feel the very fine sand warm against her skin warming her from below and the sun warming her from above. She could smell the ocean and feel its warm breeze.

Use the imagery that is kinesthetic and safe. Religion vs secularism is not the point. Healing the sick is the purpose of psychotherapy so find the safest, most acceptable and effective way for you to re-learn the empowerment of experiencing safety in a place of refuge so that you can heal.

Traumatized individuals often have forgotten what it is like to feel comfortable and secure. So, small step by small step, explore ways to establish the sensorial feeling of comfort and security. There is comfort and pleasure in simply eating a piece of warm buttered toast when you have a cold, or drinking a glass of water when you are parched. In some mindfulness groups, the teacher starts their instruction in class by handing everyone a raisin. Participants are instructed to appreciate the simple sense perceptions connected to that raisin: how it looks, how it feels to the fingertips holding it and the teeth biting it, and how it tastes when it is in your mouth.

Comfort is usually accessible as we encounter ordinary objects in a our everyday life, but we have forgotten about it, or are in such a hurry that we bypass the experience. We need to allow ourselves to re-experience it. I suggest the following simple ways you could try: When you go to sleep, feel the comfort of a warm heavy blanket enveloping you. Re-create the primal environment of the baby floating in the womb. Explore the foetal position when you are in bed and see how comfortable it is when you curl up in that position under the blanket. Don’t tell yourself about it or guess at what it might be like. Instead, actually feel the sensation.

Experiment with physical comfort. A security blanket, literally, is one that is heavy, warm and protective. There is a direct sensation of protection and comfort that happens when you are all nicely wrapped up and tucked in.

Though your own effort, imagine you are on a beach, a castle at the top of a mountain or in some other place of refuge that you choose. Find and define your safe place wherever you want to nurse your wounds. In that place, re-learn the sense of comfort and security which can be generated in and through your body. You have the power to generate the feeling of comfort and security. Make the time and space to practice doing so.

B. Stay Connected To Your Body

1. Sunlight – bright light increases the production of serotonin in the body. Spending time in the sunlight can absolutely improve your mood and also soothe muscle aches. Full spectrum lighting can be helpful if you live in areas where there is little sun.

2. Massage – physical contact from working your muscles stimulates the release of endorphins. Massaging your own scalp and using shower massagers can provide an affordable alternative to expensive treatments. Massage therapy can feel wonderful.

3. Meditation – meditation helps the nervous system operate at its best. There has been quite a lot of research has been done to confirm its benefit. There is more about this later.

4. Physical Exercise – one of the best natural ways to produce serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. Vigorous exercise is best because the stronger the physical demand you place on your body, the greater the release of endorphins. You should try weight training as well as high and low intensity exercises. Work out only for so long as you can based on your capacity at the time. You want exercise to gradually strengthen your body, not to overwhelm it. Engage in regular physical exercise in muscle building, cardiovascular aerobic exercises, and stretching exercises. Learning and practicing yoga and taichi can be very supportive of both the mind and body.

5. Music – music is powerful and can move you emotionally. That is why you can tell what is going to happen in a movie scene based on the music. Good music can absolutely help your mood and get you positively grounded again. Try and listen to mostly upbeat music. Try dancing to it in the safety and privacy of your own home – combining the music with joyful exercise.

6. Laughter – savor the feeling of laughter with friends (or with other alters you might connect with) or watch a good comedy movie.

7. Sex – is a powerful producer of endorphins. One must be very cautious as it comes with responsibility, obligations and is often connected with dangerous triggers for retraumatization. I may be castigated for suggesting this but, as I suggested in Engaging Multiple Personalities, if sex is important for you, and particularly if you are unattached, the safest sex for healing and grounding may be masturbation.

8. Acupuncture – increases circulation and stimulates the release of endorphins. Of course, one must find a well-trained and capable acupuncturist just like when you look for any other professional.

9. Nourishing Teas – in the absence of diabetes, a warm ginger, honey and lemon tea can make you feel quite nice.

Remember the general principle that you can gently retrain the body and mind so as to correct the feelings of “I am a powerless victim”, feelings which are inherent in the process leading to DID. A gentle transition through kind and inviting body connections is therapeutic. Do not seek an easy way out that is simply a repetition of the experience of dis-empowerment – such as self medication through drugs, alcohol or other compulsive behaviors. If you feel better physically, through exercise and connectedness, you will gradually enlarge your capacity to work with all the parts as a team, in harmony. Keeping the mind in a creative mode through art music communing with nature and the like are foundations for improving and healing the wounds of DID.

C. Stay Connected with Others.

Close friends for support are essential in healing. Join an online support network so long as the administrators are properly protective of the members, on guard for individuals who are not there for the purpose of supporting others seeking to heal their DID. Online groups can have a truly positive impact. Active groups usually have people online 24/7 so that if you need to communicate with someone supportive in the middle of the night, it can actually happen. Make sure when joining such as a group, that they require warnings to be posted before writing anything that might be triggering.

Join a choir if you like music and singing. Join a photography club, a drawing or pottery class if you are artistically inclined. Join a hiking club. Well-defined interest groups are safer and more functional than other social clubs. These amateur groups are usually filled with enthusiastic members and they offer valuable support within the specific interest that can help you build a creative hobby. Connecting with people in such clubs can fill your life with warm memories.

Altruistic volunteer groups of people who are willing to contribute their spare time for the welfare of others can enrich your life in very meaningful ways. There is nothing more rewarding than to devote time to turn your kindness towards the less fortunate.

In this vein, remember that spending time with animals can also establish a sense of well-being and non-judgmental connectedness. This is discussed in more detail later on. In short, if you don’t have a pet or cannot afford one, there are always opportunities to help at an animal shelter. Supporting an abandoned or traumatized dog or cat is another way to nurture the strength of your own compassion. Training in that way can also lead to establishing roots of internally focused kindness – toward alters that can help the amnestic barriers slowly and safely begin to dissolve.

Note that I have not included traditional support groups in this category. That is not to say that they do not have value, and often tremendously positive value. However, one must be careful to keep to the specific purpose of such support groups. Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and the like all have long and important histories of making real positive differences in the lives of people with those addictions. The very nature of such groups is that the focus is the addiction. Here, I am suggesting connecting with groups where the focus is quite different – not about dealing with a deep problem but instead about singing, art, hiking and so on.

Please do go to and continue to participate in AA, GA and NA meetings as much and as often as is helpful. Nevertheless, there are predatory individuals that attend such meetings so keep the boundaries quite firm.

Just as you need to maintain firm boundaries when you might encounter individuals that are triggering, understand that there are reasons protective alters emerge. Respect their intentions always. By maintaining firm boundaries, you let them know that you are giving credence to their assessments. Having done so, invite them to re-assess the individuals periodically. This is a way to gently allow them to moderate the hypervigilance common to protective alters while allowing them to fulfill their protective function.

D. Being With Animals.

Pet therapy has been extended to help individuals in many ways with many different kinds of difficulties. For example, there are now courts that permit service dogs to support child witnesses testifying about being abused. There are service dogs for the emotionally disabled, just like service dogs for the blind. It is obvious to all, when a service dog, or almost any dog or cat, is brought into a nursing home or old folks’ home, it immediately gently energizes the atmosphere, and brings joy to the residents. Horses have also been incorporated into PTSD therapy. Pet-Therapy is an encouraging trend.

I have a few colleagues, and am aware of other therapists, that have dogs in their office. One in particular has a three legged dog he rescued from the SPCA. The impact of having that dog in his office has been incredibly effective in communicating to patients that his office is a safe place. Were I to be starting out as a new psychiatrist, rather than being retired as I now am, I would consider having a dog or cat around for my patients.

If you are emotionally traumatized, consider having a service dog. There are substantial costs to get a trained service but tremendous potential benefits. As an alternative, you can go to the local SPCA and claim a rejected and/or traumatized dog. He/she will understand how you feel and will give you years of companionship. It can be a tremendous healing experience.

A dog is usually quite in tune with how its owner feels. When a stranger appears at the door, the dog will sense how the owner feels about that stranger and behave accordingly, either aggressively defensive or behaving in a warm and friendly way. For those with DID and the deep experience of betrayal trauma, a dog is a far more reliable assessor of both your state of mind and that of the other person. Further, from the point of view of protective alters, a dog is far less likely than the host, or another person, to be deceived into betrayal by someone’s surface smile.