Virtually any human being is capable of great deeds of kindness as well as of evil deeds. The decision to do something virtuous or to do something immoral often happens in a split-second. This is obvious when considering the profound power of peer pressure when a situation presents itself, whether in the context of bullying at school, assisting the murder of countless people in concentration camps, or torturing an animal. It is not easy to resist the group momentum that seeks to carry you along with it. It is also obvious when considering the profound power and opportunity one may have in private over people in thrall to you.
The exertion of one’s own internal moral authority to overcome such group or internal pressure is difficult, whether one is Gandhi, Martin Luther King, or anyone else willing to lay down his life in the service of protecting the most vulnerable in society. It is extraordinarily difficult for those of us who have not the spiritual strength and discipline to contest such overwhelming pressure and opportunity. Vanier clearly failed to stand up to the seduction of his power in private.
It is human nature that we can do either moral and immoral acts at any moment in our lives. It is not incompatible that one person can do both in their lives. Because our minds are not always stable, each opportunity brings that same choice to us. The important point is that we can also make the decision, again and again, to commit virtuous acts.
We humans are social creatures. That enables us to accommodate unacceptable behavior which to others or even to ourselves later on, is called rationalization. When we are tempted to commit a transgression of either society’s or our own morals, we all can readily make up a reason to allow us to do so. A famous American public figure once said that he did “it”, an immoral act, simply because it could be done.
I am not making excuses for anyone to commit immoral acts. Rather, I want to discourage cynicism and encourage hope. But it is important to acknowledge that our so-called power of reasoning is often weak and easily influenced by our own as well as other’s strong emotions.
Many of us, in a moment of impulsivity, step on the gas just to experience the sensation of going way over the speed limit. We think that we are unlikely to be caught, that no one will ever know, that it is not really going to hurt anyone, and so on.
With sexual transgressions, the rationalization is usually that “this is a special relationship, one that is high and above the usual mundane worldly liaison.” People can delude themselves that this relationship is special and sublime, that no one is hurt, that it is intensely satisfactory to both parties concerned and that the other person will be ok with it because it is intensely satisfying to me. The bigger picture, including the risks and potential/likely terrible consequences is ignored.
Once this borderline of deluded rationalization is crossed, the second incident begins the habit of thinking that this can be done without a problem. Even the questioning of why or why not becomes weaker. Sexual offenders almost never do it just once. Having experienced violating someone without penalty, with the second and third time the conduct becomes a habit – the beginning of.an entrenched pattern.
In most cases involving sexual transgression, the act is almost always predicated on a power differential between the parties. The perpetrator is usually of a higher social status and in a position of power. In the intimacy of therapy or spiritual counseling, it is easy to fall victim to the higher social status of the therapist, counselor or religious figure because they are bestowed in those dynamics with the seemingly magical power of a superior being, just as it is in child sexual abuse.
The perpetrator is always aware of this power differential. It feeds into his ego. In any moment, one can lose sight of and fall under the sway of pride, of greed. One gravitates toward the satisfaction of being admired and the possibility of sexual gratification. One can deludes oneself with the rationalization that this time it is the rare experience of true love, a genuine meeting of souls. One ignores the fact that the rationalization is a delusion.
It is hard to be a saint in any public sphere. It is hard to resist the temptation of seeking confirmation of one’s power and/or gratification of one’s sexual desire in a private sphere. It is difficult to resist the temptation of a great sensual (sexual) experience in a life full of stresses and loneliness.
Most people are not able to let go of the cravings of the ego for sensual experiences. Take for instance, a friend of mine who has such strong craving for good food, that he would go to one restaurant for its soup, to another for its orange duck main course, and to a third for its dessert of Tiramisu. No kidding!
Giving in to this kind of craving, played out by choosing this or that item in different particular restaurants is completely different from giving in to a craving that leads to abuse. Moving between restaurants does not involve the traumatization of anyone, so there is no harm. This is a qualitatively different gratification of desire. But other gratification actions may result in severe traumatization of another individual. That is what defines for me what is acceptable and what is not.
My conclusion is that good people are capable of immoral acts just as bad people are capable of kind acts. We should well remember that according to the great book that serves as the foundation of the 3 principal monotheistic religions of Islam, Judaism and Christianity, God’s chosen heroes were all imperfect specimens. Abraham, was despicable in that he offered his wife Sarah to the Pharaoh to save his own skin. King David coveted Bathsheba so much that he would send her husband to be killed in battle so that he could have her. Lot offered his daughters to be raped before they escaped from Sodom
It is unrealistic to separate people into all good and all bad. In short, we should hesitate to give anyone a blanket of “certificate of righteousness.” Human beings are potentially good and potentially bad. Let us first examine each of our own opportunities, as they arise, to be virtuous and kind then act appropriately.
